I can’t take this.
Here I am suffering because my Brian is genetically imbalanced.
What do I do when I feel out of control
This is scary.
Just a few days ago I was high as a kite
Now look at me alone
Thinking my friends hate me
Why do I feel this way
I appreciate what they do for me so much
But then when they are all gone is when that fear settles in
Do they really like me?
Are they over this rollercoaster?
Do they want to get off the ride?
I hope not
I feel like I’m bolted in my seat.
Not ready for another set of loops and turns.
This anxiety is what gets to me most?
Am I really loved?
I really hope so
I can feel it most of the time
But when I’m alone I think the worst thoughts
Here’s the thing.
I have this fear of being alone.
It stems from they days of suicide attempts and self harm.
Because That’s what I did when I was alone.
Now what?
These are questions that I need answered
Now what?
What do I do when I feel like anyone could walk in that door and hurt me
But only when I’m alone
Or the stranger walking on campus near me who could grab me at any moment. But only when I’m alone.
What do I do when the anxiety of not being wanted settles in?
I don’t want to be needy but I guess I am. I’m scared that no one wants me and I’ve struggled all this time for no reason.
I hope this is worth it.
That’s the only option
It has to be worth it…
poetry 